I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
