I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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