I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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