there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
