Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
