I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
