Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize