writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
