ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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