well you can't waste a boner
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
