is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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