Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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