dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
