Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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