I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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