I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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