Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
