She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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