I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
