i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
