cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
