So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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