She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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