Why are handjobs necessary in class?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize