i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
