at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
