I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
