Don't make out with my wife yet
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
