Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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