I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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