walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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