remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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