apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
