Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
