I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Randomize
