Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
