see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
If I die, sorry about rent.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
