I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize