If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
