I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
