note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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