i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
it's like heaven, but drunker
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
