exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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