How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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