if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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