Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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