Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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