I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
