Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
