Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
