guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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