elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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