i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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