It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
