I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
