I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
