just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
