Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
