I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
