and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
