i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
