zippers are such a cool invention
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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