if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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