I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
