Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
