we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
