so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
