God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Sext me about skeletons
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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