if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
